Testing Testing

Been keeping quiet for a while though life definitely has not. And by life, I mean my Zen. and by Zen, I mean my son. To write about him or how having him in my world has altered my life 180 degrees deserves a post (or more) on its own so let's keep that for later. What triggered me to write was the melancholy feeling I have been having lately, usually around 28 days apart. Lol.

And what gave opportunity for this feeling to linger on was having the idle time letting my mind wanders. That, to me, is the downside of breastfeeding. The lack of control you have over your mind when your body gives in to your child's demand. I truly love that bonding session with Zen but once do'a and lullaby time are done and he is done tossing and turning, and goes to mid slumber, I am alone with my thoughts.

And my thoughts are seldom happy. 

Sometimes I worry about the future. Sometimes I dwell on the past. and sometimes I get upset about the present. It feels like a ball of haywire is stuck on my brain and the more I try to unravel it, the messier it gets. 

So I thought it's best if I start remembering what I loved to do, before (adult) life took control of me dinosaur years ago. And then I remembered how I love writing. Mostly poems, but I guess I wrote them best during my angst or lovestruck times, which I don't think I am now. Or maybe I've grown up and mellowed down a bit? 

S'okay. Will take this as a practice ;p

Stay tuned.

My Ponette

They say good mothers know when to say No.

But all throughout my 30 years, you've only said Yes to (almost) all my crazy dreams, funny requests and weird ambitions. You said Yes to that hideous and hideously expensive dress I wanted to wear at the school play, Yes to watching Spice Girls the Movie on Raya Eve, Yes to KFC on Raya, Yes to that Rogue hair stripes, Yes to switching Biology to Architecture Drawing, Yes to not going to Matrix but Diploma instead, Yes to a hundred and one cats, Yes to road trips with friends, Yes to starting my own business and the list doesn't stop there.

The same thing happened  during those months of wedding preparation. Even when others hesitated, questioned, mocked and laughed, you stood by me and all my crazy ideas on how my wedding would be like. All I wanted was an intimate wedding where the newlyweds AND the guests are happy. Small wedding where only the people I care about and who cares about me are there.

Okay, I lied. I also wanted a beautiful dress, blue hydrangeas and laces with mint and green setting, hexagon hantaran crates without the Sireh nonsense, an arch instead of a pelamin where we can take pictures instead of renjis-renjis dipilis, meaningful door gifts, Chiviari chairs and chandeliers, family all dressed in grey, luncheon straight after Nikah and of course, coconut shakes! What a beautiful wedding it was! Tastefully done, and like me, as you know and supported, it was simple.

Oh, and let's not forget the wedding dinner! I should have listened to you and not wasted days/weeks searching for venues and just go for the first one I saw and fell in love with. It was a magical night. Remember the string lights, carefully chosen music, greattt food and lovely ambience? How we had flipped the whole place... literally! And yeay, I got my long awaited moon setting and glitter jars with candles centrepieces! The rain only added a little adventure. I was in love. A dream came true.

Thanks to you.
They say good mothers say No, but what do you know? You're the best.

Love you Ponette.

Oh Muhammad

To the best man
The best of all creations
Model father, husband, leader, human
Kindest, strongest, noblest, true

He who we did not have the chance to meet
or hear him speak
But pray every night that we will
Even a glance, though a whisper

He whose face "shines like the moon"
Only brighter, only more beautiful
He who we only can learned about
But love with all our hearts

The most perfect being,
Muhammad (peace be upon him)

Salam Maulidur Rasul

Give me a sign

The One

You will always be the one who kissed my feet
The one who sent me postcards from London
The one who brought me out jalan-jalan
The one who offered to be the clown on my birthday, just because i wanted one
The one who inspired me to join lifeguarding lessons
The one who scared me out of Biology (do you know you have to dissect a frog?!)
The one who took 2 weeks off to take care of me coz the maid ran away
The one who tutored me Add Maths
The one who loved my friends
The one who let me crash her place in the middle of the night
The one who let my friends crash her place in the middle of the night
The one who made me her roommate welcomely
The one who listens to my rambling about work
The one who calls me 8 times a day
The one who loves me unconditionally

Too lazy to lead.
Too stubborn to follow.
Changing today.
Starting tomorrow.

River in My Heart, Dust in My Eyes

Action Heroes, It has been a great 2 years. Met many great people, enjoyed many events, sat long enough in front of the screen, cursed loudly/quietly too much, participated in various projects and jobs; and learned a lot from them all. I'm sorry if I have ever offended you in any way. Thank you for making my stay here a memorable one. I appreciate every minute of it. Most of you have left an impact on me personally and professionally. So I'd like to thank you:

 -Hong Fei: for being such a jolly guy and great person to work with, although everytime I see you, I hear a Kung Fu soundtrack.
-Sham: for your spunkiness, sarcasm and your taste in music.
-Ashraff: for the funny conversations and the dance lessons, although I failed terribly.
-Javen: for being such an funny and awesome person to wok with, and learn from. I wish only great things for you.
-Meels: for being our "mommy" here. You've been so warm. If you want more loofahs, just holler ya :
-Elle: for your quirkiness, party ideas and random songs. Thanks to you I can sing at least 1 Chinese and Korean songs.
-Ben: for being such a great boss/leader/person. I'm glad I had the chance to work with you. Somehow your energy and enthusiasm is very inspiring.
-Kay: for being a rockstar. Whatever comes out of your mouth (air included) amuses me.
-Gigi: for being my neighbour/friend/girly-girl links&website sharer/French lessons student. Excuse moi. haha
-Elisa: for the random riddles and the infectious laughter.
-Yin May: for being my awesome twin/fellow ranger/lunch&pool partner/annoying song victim/confidant. I'm definitely gonna miss bugging you and being bugged by you. I miss you already :(
-Kit: for your randomness and your grins.
-Hafidz: for your guidance, help, songlists, jokes and sarcasm.
-Ewan: for guiding me when I first started here. I hope I didn't annoy you too much with the questions. -Nuno: for having the White Water Rafting Outing and playing random songs.
-Nisha: for your non-stop giggles, funny stories and generousity. Although it's been only few months but I'm glad we met.
-Edmund: for bugging, helping, cheering, humoring and laughing with me. How time flies, right..
-Mo: for being so nice, funny and humble. And for wearing the yellow Ranger shirt.
-Armand: for your sarcasm, advises, funny comments and menyibokness
-Alvina: for your cheeriness that is very contagious
-Nadia M: for your dead-pan sense of humor and easy going attitude.
-Mei Yan: for being down to earth and sweet.
-Ian: for being so calm and cool. i don't get it, even when you panic, you're calm and cool. How do you do it??
-Alwi: for being so cool and collected. Same question to Ian refers to you.
-Rachel: for your food supply at times, and being so energetic all the time. Same question to Ian refers to you.
-Nadia Sepat: for your funny stories, laughter, fun lunches, and the awesome Bumi Armada times..
-Celine: for your sweetness and support in my pool games. pffftt...
-Prabha: for your random loud jokes, and of course, your Salman Khan moves. It will forever stuck in my head.
-Dani: for inspiring me with your blog.
-Mahesh: for being so cool and for having me here.
-Julia,Sandy, Sophia, Shana, Steve, Von, PohLin, ChunHoe, Ramya, Fang, Anne, Eddy, Jarrod, MichelleTammy, Phoebe, Kylee, Cindy Lim, Cindy Tan, Renee, Ajay: Although I haven't had the chance to work with you closely, thank you for your upbeat spirit and energy that really lights up the office.

 Till we meet again :')
 EZA

27

As years go by, I learned: :to be comfortable in my own skin, no matter how oily, uneven, or messy. :that having few great friends is better than many so-called-friends. :to love the man I learned about and the beautiful religion I was born into. :that being genuinely nice is good for your soul. :that I can't get fat no matter how hard I try and how much I eat. :to enjoy eating. :to like nude colours. :to appreciate the time I have :that money is not everything, but it's nice to have though. :to control my impatience. :to hate camwhores, pretentious people and doing something easy. :that risks can be fun. :whom to trust. :that my mum still pronounces my name wrong

Blast From The Past

credit to Kenny :)

Unicorns

When it's the end of the year and it's Sale everywhere
You have made your list of next's year's wear
By the roadside you park and on your windowsill it sits
Bye bye new clothes, hello ticket, you unicorn shit

When you have all the plans but too comfy to move
and people keep calling and you acted aloof
The holidays are over. Red eyes and new zits
New year, new forms of unicorn shit

When you free-roaming all day till the clock strikes five
Then comes new brief, small heart attack and no social life
You crawled home knackered and too sleepy to eat
Besides, all day you have eaten unicorn shit

Tomorrow's a new day, you comfort your poor heart
Let's pray for a bright and leafy new start
You snoozed the alarm, late again, goddammit
Oh well, I better get used to this unicorn shit